Raising Resilience: The Antidote to the Fostered Fragility Crisis

It’s no secret that the United States is facing an escalating mental health crisis among children and adolescents. The rates of depression and anxiety in this demographic have skyrocketed, with a marked increase in severe depression among adolescents between 2007 and 2017. More alarmingly, rates of hospital admissions for self-harm have tripled in girls aged 10-14 since 2001. These trends do not discriminate based on race or socioeconomic status; mental health issues are on the rise across all strata of our society.

At the heart of this crisis is a phenomenon I call “fostered fragility.” Since the 1990s it seems, American society has increasingly sought to shield children from all forms of adversity, discrimination, and hardship, treating them as fragile beings who must be protected at all costs. While the intentions behind this approach are arguably noble, the effects have been profoundly detrimental.

Adversity and stress are not only inevitable aspects of life but essential components of growth and resilience. This is a concept familiar to us in the physical domain – consider the strengthening of muscles and bones under the weight they bear, or the boosting of the immune system when exposed to pathogens. Similarly, our psychological and emotional selves require a certain level of beneficial stress to grow stronger.

We’ve come to a point where our societal pendulum has swung too far towards protection, resulting in this fostered frailty, where many children and adolescents are ill equipped to deal with the stresses inevitable in life.  This taught weakness has been exacerbated by the idea of concept creep.  Concept creep refers to the gradual broadening of the definition of a concept over time, often extending beyond its intended meaning. This phenomenon has been observed in various fields such as psychology, sociology, and even law.

Take, for example, the term “trauma.” Traditionally, trauma referred to a severe and potentially life-threatening physical injury or a deeply disturbing and distressing experience. However, over time, the term has been used to describe a wider range of experiences, many of which would not have been considered traumatic in the past.

This is not to say that these experiences don’t cause distress or emotional pain, but the inclusion of more minor incidents or common life events under the umbrella of trauma dilutes the severity of the term. Experiencing everyday disappointments, injustices, or stresses, while painful and challenging, are generally considered part of the normal human experience and should not be labeled as trauma.

The danger of concept creep in terms like trauma is that it can inadvertently pathologize normal experiences and emotions. It can lead to an overemphasis on perceived harm and victimhood, potentially fostering a sense of fragility and vulnerability. In the context of mental health, this can have significant implications, as it can lead to the over diagnosis and over treatment of normal emotional responses, potentially leading to a cycle of negative self-perception, over medication, and attempted numbing of normal human emotions.

It’s vital to remember that feelings of sadness, grief, and stress are normal aspects of the human experience. While there are certainly instances where medication is necessary and lifesaving, it’s not a panacea for every negative feeling. I should make very clear, this doesn’t downplay the seriousness of true clinical depression or suicidal thoughts, which necessitate immediate professional help. 

Fragility is reinforced by cognitive distortions seen too often in society today. Cognitive distortions are irrational or exaggerated thought patterns that can influence one’s perception of reality, usually in a negative way. Let’s delve quickly into a few specific cognitive distortions: black and white thinking, catastrophizing, overgeneralizing, and emotional reasoning.

1. Black and White Thinking (also known as All-or-Nothing Thinking): This is a type of cognitive distortion where things are seen in binary terms: good or bad, success or failure, right or wrong, with no middle ground or nuance. For example, if someone who engages in black and white thinking gets a B on a test, they might think they have failed because they didn’t achieve an A. This rigid way of thinking can lead to feelings of disappointment, frustration, or inadequacy when reality does not meet these absolute standards.
2. Catastrophizing: This involves always anticipating the worst and blowing things out of proportion. For example, if you make a small mistake at work, you might start thinking that you’re going to lose your job, then you won’t be able to pay your bills, and you’ll end up homeless. This type of ‘disaster thinking’ can lead to excessive worry, anxiety, and a sense of helplessness.
3. Overgeneralizing: Over generalization involves making broad conclusions based on a single event or piece of evidence. If something bad happens once, the person expects it to happen over and over again. For instance, if you have a negative experience on a date, you might conclude that “All dates are terrible,” or “I will never find someone who cares for me.” Such a thought pattern can lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy where one’s actions align with these negative expectations, leading to more of the undesired outcomes.
4. Emotional Reasoning: This distortion describes the tendency to trust your emotions over actual facts. An example might be if you’re feeling unloved, you immediately conclude that nobody cares about you, even when there are people in your life who have shown care and affection towards you.

Enter social media, a platform that provides immediate and often distorted feedback and highlights extremes, exacerbating the cognitive distortions discussed above. The constant exposure to carefully curated highlight reels of peers’ lives can distort young minds’ perceptions of reality, leading to feelings of inadequacy, isolation, and depression. Moreover, the addictive nature of these platforms, designed to elicit maximum engagement, can trigger anxiety and affect sleep. The often unchecked culture of cyberbullying on these platforms further adds to the emotional distress. Constant exposure to persuasive content can hamper the development of critical thinking skills. It’s an environment that fosters chronic detrimental stress.

So, how can we turn the tide? How can we reverse the mental health crisis among our children and adolescents? 

Firstly, we need to recognize that not all screen time is equal. Passive screen time, watching TV for instance, can contribute to sedentary behavior and has been linked to issues like obesity and lower academic performance.While excessive time spent on social media not only leads to less time for physical activity, but also has the added detrimental impacts discussed previously. We as parents need to regain control of the content our children consume. Replacing or at least supplementing passive screentime with more age appropriate educational content, my children are all 7 and under so my recommendations are skewed to the younger children (i.e. Number Blocks, Story Bots, Ada Twist Scientist, ect). This topic is important enough that I plan to write a future article solely devoted to this subject. So while, the American Academy of Pediatrics establishes general screen time limits, it’s crucial for both physicians and parents alike to consider the nature of the screen time over merely the quantity.

 Secondly, we should delay the introduction of social media until our children have developed the emotional maturity and resilience to navigate its challenges, arguably not before the age of 16. The virtual nature of these experiences means there can be a lack of tangible, real-world coping mechanisms, rendering the stress harmful and unproductive.

On the other hand, exposing children to controlled stress and manageable adversity, is crucial for their growth into resilient, robust adults. These ‘growing pains’ arm children with the emotional fortitude to confidently face life’s hurdles. Through challenges, children develop vital life skills, such as problem-solving, coping strategies, and resilience.

Some simple examples of allowing controlled adversity include expecting children to settle sibling disputes without adult intervention, managing their own homework schedule, participating in sports, and allowing natural consequences. If your child forgets their homework or lunch box, avoid bailing them out. Gently push children outside of their comfort zone through new activities and experiences. Model resilience in your own life. Allow your children to see you work hard for something and either succeed or gracefully fail and try again. 

We have a responsibility to teach our children to appreciate the many nuances of life, emphasizing that it’s not merely black and white. It is vital to allow our children to confront adversity, even experience a degree of injustice, while equipping them with effective coping strategies.

Ultimately, we need to instill in our children an understanding that life is a spectrum of experiences and emotions, not simply extremes. Life is not meant to be pleasant and easy all of the time.  Our goal should not be to shield our children from the world, but to equip them with the armor they need to navigate it confidently and courageously. Let’s empower a generation that views adversity not as a boulder in their way, but as a summit to climb.